Personal Endowments: What did the Fairies Give YOU?

   

Fall is just around the corner! And now that the transition back to school has calmed down, I have an opportunity to continue sharing my thoughts with the world. 

Before I wrote my 7 Habits post, I was reading the 7 Habits book and a theme that kept coming up for me was that to fully achieve success with those tools you needed to know what your personal gifts were so you could plan accordingly to put them into play effectively. This goes hand in hand with Energy Profiling for me because knowing what your gifts/talents are is part of knowing your own personality inside and out. This circles back to Covey's work of adding an 8th Habit: Find your voice and inspire others to find theirs. Strangely, this isn't found on the main Habit website, but it does have its own book which is on my reading list so we will probably discuss it more in the future. 

This post goes with the first part of finding my own voice. Pulling from Energy Profiling and knowing that I am a dominant Type 4 with a secondary Type 2 I have a good base knowledge of what makes me tick, but to boil it down to what my cores gifts are, I connected with my childhood. 

So, apparently I am a member of the "Millennial" group. Being born in 1991, I am on the cusp between Gen Y and Gen Z. I prefer to think on my "generation" as the Disney Generation because we grew up with all the classics... on VHS mostly.

One of my favorites was Sleeping Beauty. (Team Blue!) Gotta love those fairies. They are the true stars of the show, at least in my opinion. I've always been fascinated by the gifts they give baby Aurora. I think all of us budding Disney Princesses want the gifts of Beauty and Song; we all love to dress up and sing along.

My burning question has always been, "What was Merryweather's original gift going to be?" We will never know.

I'm sure I'm not the only one who has wondered what gifts I would've received in Aurora's place. Being LDS I didn't think I'd have to wonder about that after I received my Patriarchal Blessing. This is a special Priesthood blessing you can receive as a youth and I got mine as soon as I could. I was very eager to have this road map to my life that was supposed to tell me more about myself.

In reading through it again, I'm actually surprised how many times the word "gift" is used. But the part that has stuck in my mind since I received this blessing at age 14 is, "There are many gifts and talents which you may not have yet discovered." I was told to seek out and develop these other talents in order to fulfill my potential.

It's been a solid twelve years since I first heard those words. So what have I discovered about my talents? I have found some of them have a parallel to the three Good Fairies and the gifts they gave Aurora.

Flora is the leader of the group and gave the gift of Beauty. Fauna is the glue and gave the gift of Song. Merryweather is the go-getter/problem solver and gave the formula for breaking Maleficent's curse. This is the original order of the gifts but my parallel is in a slightly different order of priority.

For me Fauna comes first. The gift of Song matches my overarching gift of Harmony. My favorite definition of Harmony is, "the quality of forming a pleasing and consistent whole". Harmony is my watchword, what I look for in every aspect of my life. It is also what I try to create in various forms. Harmony is my vision of life in one word. I expanded upon that in my Mission Statement post last month.

Merryweather was able to think on her feet and come up with a plan to break the curse. Planning is my next gift. Planning is how I work to create Harmony. Planning can also be thought of as Organizing which I am really good at. I like to think that my house seems clean (Harmonious) because it is Organized as far as things are within their correct boundaries. I'm not super OCD. My sense of Harmony allows for my house to feel "lived in" (slightly messy because i have three small kids) thing as long as things are generally in the right area.

Flora gave the gift of Beauty. I make things beautiful (Harmonious) by being able to effectively implement my Organization (Planning) with Authority. Mmm... Authority. As a T4, Authority is a big thing in my world. I prefer to either have the Authority or be able to respect others who have it over me. Mostly I just like having it. Being a more "mature" personality, Authority comes quite easily to me. I'm able to stand in front of a group of people and take charge. Prime example: I may be the youngest Cubmaster ever... maybe. (Do the math, I gave you my birth year already.) It was actually a relief to be officially called because I had felt like an impostor being the acting Cubmaster for about a month and not feeling like I really had the Authority I was trying to wield in keeping our Cub Scout Pack running.

It's fun seeing how my three gifts interact in almost every aspect of my life. I could go on and on giving you examples, but I think maybe you can just go read more of my posts and you'll be able to see them for yourself.

I'll just close with a visual metaphor of how I see my gifts make up a the best parts of me. I found that an umbrella made a good match for what I had in mind. I labelled it, but here's a walk-through. Harmony is the canopy that does the actual job of the umbrella of keeping you covered and safe from the elements. It's also the part that you see as a possible fashion statement. But the canopy can't function without the underpinnings of the shaft and ribs. That structure is my Planning portion. Now, the traditional umbrella is one you have to manually push up, but the one I have has a button in the handle that does the popping for you. The pop is the action that moves the structure to accomplish the task of the umbrella. Just so, my Authority moves the Planning into fruition to create Harmony.

Now for the second half of the Habit. I hope I have inspired you to think about your gifts. Yours may not coalesce into an umbrella metaphor, but that's kind of the point; we can't all be umbrellas and we're not supposed to be all the same.

I'd love it if you'd share your gifted metaphors once you have them figured out.

My Top 5 Favorite Parenting Resources

Motherhood is hard. We are all agreed on this. But there are ways to make it a little easier. Tips to have at hand so we feel like we know what we are doing...at least some of the time.

When it's just me and the boys I can get plenty self-conscious about my parenting abilities, like anyone else, but then I occasionally go out in public and realize that it could be a lot worse.

I have several sources I turn to that help me feel like I have it together...most of the time, actually.

So, what I offer today are my secrets, or at least the sources of my secrets in the hope that it will help and inspire all you other wonderful mothers who have not discovered these wonderful books. It is my wish that you may find something here to help you be a better parent today.

 

1. The Happiest Baby on the Block by Dr. Harvey Karp

This is a great starting point, whether you are expecting your first or your last or simply have need of skills to soothe crying babies in what ever setting you may be in.

I read this book as a "textbook" for an Infants and Toddlers class I took in my last semester of BYU-I before I had a baby and graduated. I felt like a pro-Momma with this under my belt before Jon was born. We still had our learning curve when it came to breastfeeding and dealing with cloth diapers, but I could swaddle like a champ.

Dr. Karp's premise with this book is that human babies need a "fourth trimester". Other animal babies come out and walk and "talk" right away. Our babies get pushed out before their heads get too big, ideally. That certainly doesn't mean that they are ready to take on the big, wide world all at once. So, Dr. Karp introduces his "5S's" to simulate conditions from within in the womb to help soothe the baby when outside of the womb to help with the transition.

These work people. So much so that I had people wonder if my baby ever cried because it sure seemed like he never did out in public.

To be brief, the 5 S's are Swaddling, Side-lying, Shushing, Swinging, and Sucking. When I was using these "in the trenches", as it were, like trying to get a newborn to sleep when they have other ideas, I'd have them swaddled, laying on their side on my knees so I could lean over them and make ocean sounds right into their ear while my knees did the swinging, and they sucked on my thumb. (My babies preferred the taste of me over plastic, so we didn't really use binkies at all.) To be fair, this was still a test in patience because it may have still taken a good 15 minutes for them to really fall asleep, but (eventually) fall asleep they did.

2. The Happiest Toddler on the Block by Dr. Harvey Karp

It of course makes sense that when I saw this sequel at a book swap, I was sure to grab it. I just finished reading it, to be honest, but I use this everyday and more so on Sundays as a Nursery leader. (It's probably why I haven't been released yet.)

In here, Dr. Karp lovingly calls toddlers "cavemen" and explains that parents have to act as diplomats of the current century. This involves connecting with respect and using "Toddler-ese" to help prevent tantrums or lovingly stop them in their tracks.

My favorite tip was the "Fast Food Rule" (or FFR) for communicating with little ones. He calls it this to bring to mind how the person taking your order at a fast food restaurant repeats your order back to you before they tell you your total price.

The FFR has two parts: First, whoever is most upset (usually the toddler, but this works in "grown-up" situations as well) talks first; the other person listens, repeats back what they are told, and only then do they take their turn to talk. The second part uses "Toddler-ese", tone of voice, and mimicked emotion to hit the toddlers "sweet spot" to get their attention and let them know that you understand how they feel. That part is key because when a toddler is upset they are feeling more that thinking so just trying to be rational with them first is not going to work.

I still have troubles with playing up the emotional part of the FFR (thank my T4 for that) but using short, repetitive sentences (the Toddler-ese in a nutshell) with some reflected feeling really works.

Dr. Karp also mentions knowing your child's temperament and realizing you may have a personality mismatch and that does right into my favorite tools.

 

3. The Child Whisperer by Carol Tuttle 

Now, I'll be honest: I haven't fully read this book yet, but I already have a thorough working knowledge of Carol's Energy Profiling System through Dressing Your Truth. So I still feel like a "child whisperer" with what I have to go on.

Knowing the Types of my children has been such a blessing. I know Jon is a T2 so I know that when he gets upset he will probably cry and need hugs to calm down. If I didn't know David was a T1 our breastfeeding experience would have been more frustrating for me with how easily distracted he can be. As is, I feed him where it is quiet and just enjoy his smiles when he unlatches for a moment here or there because he wants to tell me he loves me with his eyes .

I look forward to using my knowledge with future children and I feel confident that I can handle all the Types in my children as they come around.

 

4. The Child Whisperer Podcast by Carol Tuttle

Until I do finish reading the book, I can gain more insight from Carol's podcast of the same name.

(Note: The link shows the podcast through iTunes but I'm pretty sure I've been able to kind it through other podcast listening apps.)

I enjoy listening to podcasts while I do household chores, and I'm up-to-date on all my other podcasts, so while I wait for new episodes I listen to Carol Tuttle.

With access to the full archive of her material, even from before it was The Child Whisperer Show, I've been able to get more of the nuanced flavors of the Types from Carol's content as well as when she takes live callers and answers their questions.


My favorite episodes so far (go through the above link) are "How to Parent True to Your Nature", "Is your perception of your children hurting them?", and "How do you measure your success as a parent?".

 

5. Dressing Your Truth by Carol Tuttle 

I find where Energy Profiling is concerned, it's a bit like the oxygen masks on an airplane: you put yours on first before you help whoever is near you. Meaning, it's a bit hard to parent true to your Type if you don't know your Type.

Knowing my Type and dressing my truth does make me a better mom because I feel better in my own skin. It goes with the saying of "If mom's not happy then no one's happy." Conversely, when mom's happy everyone is happier. Dressing my truth makes me a happier person because I know myself, I know my tendencies and how to manage them, and I know how to make the most of my personal gifts.

With this knowledge I am bien dans ma peau. This is a knowledge I feel that everyone should have. I truly believe this would make us happier as a people and (possibly) lead to world peace. Who knows? We can dream big.

World peace aside, I'd settle for happier families to start with.

I hope you find these resources as useful as I have in becoming a better parent.

Marriage: Complements and Coming to the Lord

 
"Mawwage is what brings us togewah today."

(I had to do that.)

This month is our five year anniversary, so it seems appropriate for this month's testimony post to be about this third "M" (Motherhood, Missionaries, and Marriage).

Our love story is pretty basic. We met at college, got married, finished college together, and now, here we are, learning how to "adult" together.

After we got married, we had the opportunity to take a college class together. As a Religion requirement in the BYUI curriculum, we took the "Family Foundations" class together. To this day I look back on that class as one of my favorite and I'm using my class material for my jumping off points today.

The main material of the class is based around The Family: A Proclamation to the World and our text book was a collection of readings from our latter-day prophets to expand upon the teachings of the Proclamation.

In rereading the articles pertaining to marriage specifically, I found two themes that I'd like to share my thoughts on. It's nice because each has a pertinent graphic to go along with them.

The first is the idea of how men and women complement each other within the marriage relationship. The image of the Yin and Yang helps in visualizing this.

You'll notice that each half is the same size and they embrace each other more than a simple circle cut in half with a straight line would.  They also have a piece of the other within themselves. To me, this encompasses the meaning of "complement". Together, both halves become part of a perfect circle which they cannot do alone.

That is what marriage is meant to be.

Thinking of the parts that we share and how Charles and I complement each other, I can't help but think of our Types. Charles is a 3/4 and I am a 4/2. Sometimes it's funny to see how his secondary 4 comes out stronger than my dominant 4. In some things he has a keener sense of needing things to be clean and the paragraph in Carol's book about Type 4s and driving is spot-on for Charles.

The Type 4 things that we share are our loyalty to family, the strength of our personal convictions, and being strong authority figures in our respective circles of influence.

We also complement each other very well. His Type 3 push to get things done helps inspire me and helps me move on when I get stuck in a rut. My secondary Type 2 reminds him to be more gentle at times and my Type 4 comes in handy when things need to be done with more thoroughness (like helping him edit his blog).

Together we are trying to be the best parents we can be while helping to "parent" each other in our own growing processes. Another way to say that is that we nurture each other as well as our children.

Before I move on to my second theme, I'd like to add a quote from President Spencer W. Kimball:

In his wisdom and mercy, our Father made men and women dependent on each other for the full flowering of their potential. Because their natures are somewhat different, they can complement each other; because they are in many ways alike, they can understand each other. Let neither envy the other for their differences; let both discern what is superficial and what is beautifully basic in those differences, and act accordingly.

My second theme is that of coming to the Lord through the marriage relationship. I've already talked about how motherhood helps me to be more Christlike, but marriage does this as well for both of us.

The Lord Jesus Christ is the focal point in a covenant marriage relationship. Please notice how the Savior is positioned at the apex of this triangle, with a woman at the base of one corner and a man at the base of the other corner. Now consider what happens in the relationship between the man and the woman as they individually and steadily “come unto Christ” and strive to be “perfected in Him” (Moro. 10:32). Because of and through the Redeemer, the man and the woman come closer together. (Elder Bednar)

Charles and I are part of such a covenant marriage relationship because we were married in the temple. And, in fact, we had the above image in mind when we picked our wedding date, which is July 21 or 7/21.

Apparently, in Hebrew, 7 is the number that represents perfection, hence July, and then we multiplied 7 by 3 because of the three entities involved in our marriage (him, me, and God), so 21.

We are still human and sometimes it seems that the metaphorical length of the legs of our triangle are longer than at other times, but that is part of our journey. Remember, we are only five years into this and we covenanted to be together for eternity. Bumps along the way were part of the package deal that we signed up for.

The times when the triangle seems smaller and we become closer are the times when we are able to use the Atonement (think "at-one-ment") to forgive each other and become better individuals. It just so happens that those times are usually after a big "bump" came up in our road. This just shows that trials are really to be used to make us stronger.

So, Happy Anniversary to us!

5 Things I Want to Master Before My Birthday

Think of this as a mini bucket list.

I have mentioned how I want to get my life more figured out before my 25th birthday. That is in October so I have a deadline.

As a thorough Type 4, I have high standards for myself. My Type 2 tempers that a little with being a bit more relaxed about things, but at times my Type 4 fights back and accuses my Type 2 for settling for mediocrity. There are a few, maybe more, areas where my critical eye sees the possibility of improvement.

I'm not going to lie: I'm not super excited about doing these Improvement posts which probably means I really need to do it for myself. Change is hard and so is self-examination. Here it goes.

1. Exercise

I've already been working on getting more consistent about exercising. I love doing my morning yoga and I've gotten to the point where my days feels off if I miss my morning refresher.

I've cobbled together my own routine. I start with the warm-up from Maya Fiennes' Root Chakra video before doing a round of leg stretches, and close with some Sun Salutations. I feel good about it.

I would like to go the next step of incorporating more toning exercises to target my trouble areas. These don't have to happen all at once, but I'd like to see more thigh trimming, triceps toning, and fix my diastasis recti. Thanks to Pintrest I have plenty of possible workouts on hand to try.

2. Food 

From the beginning of our marriage, meal planning has been a big goal of mine. It's taken me almost five years to make any big progress here.

My big breakthrough has been switching to once a month freezer cooking. I love it. I get all the prep done in one day, I make sure I have a good variety of meals to avoid food boredom (there's my T1 popping out), and most of the meals I use are crock pot recipes. The foundation is getting in place.

The room for improvement is less with dinners and more with lunches and snacks. It's not like I don't have food on hand. That is surely not the problem. But I would like to make more deliberate choices in these areas. I have a mini library of diet books that I'm going to look to for more direction in how to go about reining in my impulsiveness when it comes to my less-supervised food choices.

3. Diet

I am also planning on doing another round of the Whole 30 regiment come August.

I've already done this diet once back in February 2015 and I felt I had great success with it. I didn't lose a whole lot of weight on in (only about 5 pounds, nothing to sniff at), but I did lose some inches and my skin cleared up wonderfully.

Cutting refined grains and other junk for a month is hard but definitely worth it. I'm really looking forward to it, mostly for the acne clearing benefits. My "Sugar Dragon" has gotten out of control and it visibly "breathes" through my face and I get quite self-conscious about it.

4. Scar Removal

On the subject of my face, I don't think I get super bad acne, but what I do get I have a hard time leaving alone. So I'm looking for ways to erase my scars.

I recently discovered a line of products from Rodan and Fields that sounds really effective, but before I even really consider shelling out the $500 I'd like to see what I can accomplish with things a little more within my reach.

Again, thanks to Pintrest, I have plenty of ideas to try.

5. A More Uncluttered Life 

My first thought in regards to clutter is strictly all the physical stuff of life. I'm not calling my house a mess generally speaking, but we just have so much stuff. Fortunately we have a bigger house to hold all of it but it still gets under my skin just how much stuff we have. And it just feels so good to be able to clear out the junk we don't need hanging around.

Case in point, we just went through our library of books and were able to move several boxes of books out. The funny thing is that the point of this exercise was to make room for the books we know we'll want to get in the future.

I forgot to take pictures so there won't be a separate post about this. You'll have to take my word when I say that, visually, it doesn't really look like we made a dent, but aesthetically speaking it looks a lot better. Before, a lot of the books were just stacked according to size to get more on the shelves. Now everything is upright with the spines all facing out, so there is more color if nothing else.

This was an instance of assessing our belongings in a Good-Better-Best standard. In general, I'd like to lean more towards the Quality over Quantity view, working to get to the Less is More theory.

I think there can also be a metaphysical kind of clutter to be cleared out as well.

Here there is another motto I'm working on adapting. I picked it up from Freakonomics. Recently they did a "Self-Improvement Month" series of podcasts. In the "How to Become Great at Just About Anything" episode there was great focus on the work of Anders Ericsson's work on "deliberate practice".

For me, the "deliberate" part of the phrase is what keeps bouncing around my brain. I'd like to be more deliberate in all areas of my life; to live more "on purpose" and less "just because".

So I hope you like Before and After posts as much as I do because there are going to be quite a few in my future.

My DYT Story: The Recipe of Me

If beauty is in the eye of the beholder, then it stands to reason that I ought to go about describing the set of lenses through which I see the world around me.

Disclaimer: This post contains something like an affiliate link. I am a DYT (Dressing Your Truth) club member so I can get referral benefits, but this blog is not yet affiliated directly with Carol Tuttle. With continued support I might get there someday. For now I'm just a really big fan of the program.

I begin with a story...

Once upon a time I was pregnant. Well, actually I had just given birth to my first son and my mom was hanging out at the hospital with me before I got to go home. To pass the time she read me a book: Carol Tuttle's Discover Your Type of Beauty. This is where my DYT experience began.

The abridged version of my mom's discovery of this system is that she was looking for ways to better understand her children's personalities. She had already guessed that I was either a Type 4 or Type 2 of Carol's four Types. It turns out she was right. In listening to her read and as I read it myself, I was able to confirm that I am a dominant Type 4 with Type 2 as my secondary.

As a college graduation present, my mom went ahead and bought a DYT club membership for me. This included my own copy of the book as well as all the online resources and a Style Guide card. Admittedly, it took me a couple of months to get around to completing the order and telling them where to send the book and card. (I was busy enjoying my newborn.) But once it all arrived, I dove right in and it has become my new obsession.

I loved being able to say "yes" to so much  of what I read and then being able to go through my closet and redefine my style.

Make that LOVE.

I have always enjoyed watching makeovers and seeing Before and Afters, and here I got to do my very own. 

It has been a couple of years since then and the full-on obsession has quieted down a bit, but I now see the world through the lens of the Types. I try to use Carol's overall Energy Profiling system in my parenting, in my interactions with my husband, and in managing my own outward experiences.

Just for fun, I thought I'd reread the book and take notes on what parts of all the Types I felt a resonance with. We have all four Types within us but to different degrees, and so I had begun to envision a set of sliders that showed how much of each Type was in me. In this read-through with my notes, I was able to crunch some numbers and come up with my slider positions. And here they are!

As you can see, Type 4 is very dominant. To keep the graphic clean I didn't stick in the percentages I came up with, but I can list them quickly:

• Type 1: 5%
• Type 2: 21%
• Type 3: 9%
• Type 4: 65%

I did this partly to see where the other two Types stood in relation to my dominant and secondary Types. I'm not really surprised with my results.

Now that you can see my "Recipe" I guess I should do more to explain the ingredients. Each Type is generally described in terms of motion and how you move through life. In the book there is lots more detail on the different ways and characteristics that fall under each Type.

The Type 1 movement is upward and light involving randomness and adaptability to change quickly. I seem to only have a pinch of Type 1 in me. The highlights I can pull from my notes are that I can get bored when it comes to the food I make and sometimes with the clothes in my closet. This is part of why I love trying new recipes and shopping at thrift stores when I'm feeling a need of an infusion of New in my wardrobe.

Type 2 is my secondary. This movement is described as fluid and flowing. My emphasis here is creating comfort in my life. I am sensitive, nurturing, a good listener, a planner, soft spoken, and I don't really enjoy change. I enjoy comfort foods, I organize things in piles, and I have to touch the clothes that I might buy to make sure they are soft and feel good in my hands before I try them on. I can get caught up in focusing on details and I have been a bit of a pack rat when it comes to objects of sentimental value. I also feel that having so much Type 2 in me lends itself well to my massage therapy training; people tend to fall asleep during sessions with me, which is awesome in my profession.

I only have a dash of Type 3. This is active and reactive and is much more abrupt and forceful. In this area I enjoy results and making To Do lists, but I lack the actual push of a full Type 3 to get things in motion most of the time. I guess that is why I am attracted to this Type as my opposite. My husband is a Type 3 and I actually prefer Type 3 colors in my interior designs.

I had a full three pages of notes of my Type 4-ness.  Picking just a couple of highlights is going to be hard for me. (Expect a separate post on this in the future.)

This movement is constant and still with a very reflective quality. The natural gift of a Type 4 is Perfecting. I like to think of it as Editing, but I use it in more than just my writing. This gift applies to how I go about living my secondary and tertiary Types. My Type 1 inspires me to vary my cooking, but my Type 4 searches out the best recipes. My Type 4 helps me not get stuck on details, reduces my pack rat tendencies, and helps me create a repeatable massage to refine my Type 2-ness. The Type 3 results that I love seeing the most are anything that even resembles a Before and After piece because those are the essence of Editing.

I just can't condense the biggest part of me any farther in this post. Look forward to more Type 4 related posts in the future. (I'll add links as they are written.)

In the mean time, if you want to begin your own Dressing Your Truth adventure, check out this link to start with the free online course. (Here's where I can get referral benefits, if you were wondering.) If you are anywhere in the Montpelier, ID area or are connected to me through social media, I'd love to be a helpful guide in your journey. I love answering questions and you can count on me if you need help tackling your closet.

Bon voyage!