Marriage: Complements and Coming to the Lord

 
"Mawwage is what brings us togewah today."

(I had to do that.)

This month is our five year anniversary, so it seems appropriate for this month's testimony post to be about this third "M" (Motherhood, Missionaries, and Marriage).

Our love story is pretty basic. We met at college, got married, finished college together, and now, here we are, learning how to "adult" together.

After we got married, we had the opportunity to take a college class together. As a Religion requirement in the BYUI curriculum, we took the "Family Foundations" class together. To this day I look back on that class as one of my favorite and I'm using my class material for my jumping off points today.

The main material of the class is based around The Family: A Proclamation to the World and our text book was a collection of readings from our latter-day prophets to expand upon the teachings of the Proclamation.

In rereading the articles pertaining to marriage specifically, I found two themes that I'd like to share my thoughts on. It's nice because each has a pertinent graphic to go along with them.

The first is the idea of how men and women complement each other within the marriage relationship. The image of the Yin and Yang helps in visualizing this.

You'll notice that each half is the same size and they embrace each other more than a simple circle cut in half with a straight line would.  They also have a piece of the other within themselves. To me, this encompasses the meaning of "complement". Together, both halves become part of a perfect circle which they cannot do alone.

That is what marriage is meant to be.

Thinking of the parts that we share and how Charles and I complement each other, I can't help but think of our Types. Charles is a 3/4 and I am a 4/2. Sometimes it's funny to see how his secondary 4 comes out stronger than my dominant 4. In some things he has a keener sense of needing things to be clean and the paragraph in Carol's book about Type 4s and driving is spot-on for Charles.

The Type 4 things that we share are our loyalty to family, the strength of our personal convictions, and being strong authority figures in our respective circles of influence.

We also complement each other very well. His Type 3 push to get things done helps inspire me and helps me move on when I get stuck in a rut. My secondary Type 2 reminds him to be more gentle at times and my Type 4 comes in handy when things need to be done with more thoroughness (like helping him edit his blog).

Together we are trying to be the best parents we can be while helping to "parent" each other in our own growing processes. Another way to say that is that we nurture each other as well as our children.

Before I move on to my second theme, I'd like to add a quote from President Spencer W. Kimball:

In his wisdom and mercy, our Father made men and women dependent on each other for the full flowering of their potential. Because their natures are somewhat different, they can complement each other; because they are in many ways alike, they can understand each other. Let neither envy the other for their differences; let both discern what is superficial and what is beautifully basic in those differences, and act accordingly.

My second theme is that of coming to the Lord through the marriage relationship. I've already talked about how motherhood helps me to be more Christlike, but marriage does this as well for both of us.

The Lord Jesus Christ is the focal point in a covenant marriage relationship. Please notice how the Savior is positioned at the apex of this triangle, with a woman at the base of one corner and a man at the base of the other corner. Now consider what happens in the relationship between the man and the woman as they individually and steadily “come unto Christ” and strive to be “perfected in Him” (Moro. 10:32). Because of and through the Redeemer, the man and the woman come closer together. (Elder Bednar)

Charles and I are part of such a covenant marriage relationship because we were married in the temple. And, in fact, we had the above image in mind when we picked our wedding date, which is July 21 or 7/21.

Apparently, in Hebrew, 7 is the number that represents perfection, hence July, and then we multiplied 7 by 3 because of the three entities involved in our marriage (him, me, and God), so 21.

We are still human and sometimes it seems that the metaphorical length of the legs of our triangle are longer than at other times, but that is part of our journey. Remember, we are only five years into this and we covenanted to be together for eternity. Bumps along the way were part of the package deal that we signed up for.

The times when the triangle seems smaller and we become closer are the times when we are able to use the Atonement (think "at-one-ment") to forgive each other and become better individuals. It just so happens that those times are usually after a big "bump" came up in our road. This just shows that trials are really to be used to make us stronger.

So, Happy Anniversary to us!

Why Motherhood is Worth It

Happy Mother's Day!

This just seems perfect. My first testimony post is in time for Mother's Day and I was already wanting to talk about motherhood as an extension of introducing myself in these first posts.

In real time, I'm in the midst of a great need to remind myself of why I am doing this on a day to day basis.

Motherhood is hard.

But it is always worth it. Sometimes we just lose sight of that in the moment.

And yet, this was always my dream job. Growing up I knew two things for sure: I was going to get married in the temple and be a stay-at-home mom. I did get married in the Rexburg temple and I am so blessed to have a  husband who provides sufficiently for our family to allow me to be a stay-at-home mom.

So being a mother has always been a high priority for me. But why? What are my incentives? I explored this before I ever got pregnant in a paper I wrote for a college English class. I could just link to it, but to save you having to read ten double-spaced pages of well-documented research, I'll just quote my abstract.

In this piece the author explores the question as to why mothers should stay home to nurture their children by looking at the results of having the mother absent from the lives of their children. These include the rising rates of child obesity, misbehaviors, and other symptoms of unhappiness in children and adolescents. This author proposes that such problems are largely due to mothers being absent and neglecting the nurture of their children. Therefore this author has an increased resolve to be a stay-at-home mother herself for the benefit of her children.

Basically, I got to look at all the bad stuff that can happen when there isn't a stay-at-home mom in the picture and that was more than enough incentive. I wanted my babies to be healthy, happy, and safe, and I felt I was best able to make that happen.

Now that I am a mother in truth I can see all the little moments that make it all worth while. I love that I can count on getting smiles from my baby and I love it when my toddler just wants to snuggle. They both amaze me each and every day. Watching them grow and progress is what gives me warm fuzzies.

It's the occasional tantrum when they are both crying and I'm at the end of my rope that I forget the big "Why am I Doing This".

I am doing this because I believe in being a nurturer and I take The Family: A Proclamation to the World as my pattern.

Parents have a sacred duty to rear their children in love and righteousness, to provide for their physical and spiritual needs, and to teach them to love and serve one another, observe the commandments of God, and be law-abiding citizens wherever they live...Successful marriages and families are established and maintained on principles of faith, prayer, repentance, forgiveness, respect, love, compassion, work, and wholesome recreational activities. By divine design, fathers are to preside over their families in love and righteousness and are responsible to provide the necessities of life and protection for their families. Mothers are primarily responsible for the nurture of their children.

Love and compassion are my foundation. Repentance and forgiveness are my daily tools. And my faith is strengthened everyday as I learn a little more how to be Christ-like. My children show me what Christ meant when he commanded us to "become as little children" (Matt. 18:3). My children are the greatest examples of forgiveness in my life, which shows me where I have much room to improve.

My sweetest moments are when I just tell my babies that I love them and in my heart I feel heavenly echos reminding me that I too am loved even more than I can comprehend.

So, yes, being a mother is hard, but it is also my path to Heaven. The path is often bumpy, but I don't walk it alone.

In God’s eternal plan, salvation is an individual matter; exaltation is a family matter. (Elder Russell M. Nelson)

 That is why it is worth it. Eternally worth it.